The young and beautiful woman's eyes are wide with fear. She looks around but cannot see where to go. She turns to see her pursuer raise his hand full of menace. You arrive just in time, offer the ruffian an honorable escape route. He refuses and assails you, but is no match for your martial skills. He parts defeated. The young woman's eyes are now wide with admiration, gratitude, and something warmer as you calmly introduce yourself.

Within the martial arts this is a common (male) fantasy or daydream. It is also common enough in films as well. It has the three main elements of what the therapy Transactional Analysis describes as the drama triangle. These are a persecuter, victim and rescuer. The persecuter attacks the victim, then is foiled by the rescuer and turns into a victim, while the rescuer becomes a new persecuter. It is in the sudden change of roles that the drama happens.

This dynamic is a kind of game that replays itself in different forms, and different contexts. A person may have a game that they are attached to playing, and a role that they most like, and can often be summarised briefly. For example I find the victim t-shirt especially apt. On the front it says 'kick me' and on the back 'I knew you would.'

This dynamic can play out within a martial arts class. The victim joins the class, seeking a rescuer. It could be the redeeming and healing qualities of the art, exercise, health, concentration, focus…which can then be projected onto the teacher. If the teacher accepts them he or she is in trouble….The game is afoot and drama is on its way. The only way to win this game is not to play.

The victim will have a capacity to irritate, and frustrate, an exceptional ability to find the right buttons to press so that the game can progress. To play the victim needs a persecuter. If there is not one readily available they will create one, whether consciously or not.

Within a martial arts context there is a real physical risk here. Martial arts stress the importance of physical and emotioal control because the training aims to develop dangerous techniques with minimal risk, in preparation for situations where at least one party aims to maximise the risk for you. The victim seeks to circumvent that control.

When the drama unfolds in this context then it is almost instantly violent. The victim can trip a reflex that is designed to seriously injure. As a victim they will take no responsibility for their role in what happens to them. The victim can then move to a persecuter, morally or legally attacking the ex-rescuer who 'did them wrong.'

Not all victims play for the same stakes. For some the game is just to be told that they are stupid. Others will not stop until something serious happens.

Either way it is important to recognise and stop the game as swiftly as possible. In the first case the students does not progress, in the second the consequences can be far reaching for both parties.

The tricky part is how to recognise and stop the game.

Suggestions for the rescuers/persecuters

If you notice neediness or flattery from a student/classmate be aware. Equally notice if you find them especially irritating or frustrating. Do not take either personally.

Remember that you cannot save people, you can at best contribute to healthy contexts and recognise potential. Keep professional distance, and be prepared to disengage with the student or send them away. Develop your ability to see the person beyond their role as victim, and equally see yourself as more than a martial artist. When you are outside the situation then you can begin notice which of your buttons are activated that keep you playing in the game. Learn to to deactivate them, and spot the warning signs better next time.

Suggestions for Victims

If you find that you regularly meet arseholes who treat you mean get curious. Some people are just angry all the time. Some need provocation. Do not assume that the ones wo were mean to you are the constantly angry ones. If you provoke people without knowing it then you will find yourself in a victim's role. Ask neutral people to the main conflicts whether you are provocative/irritating in some way. Then figure out some new ways to be around people, unless you want to keep the victim role, and perpetuate the suffering that it involves.

No Blame

Most important for both parties is to let go of blame and forgive. You got played, that's all. You got played AND you played along. Recognise how your own habits/reactions played a part in the situation and get beyond them. It was a learning experience and you can do something different if  you ever find your self in a similar situation. 

Now file this away for a rainy day, and get back to training.

Do you deserve to be threatened, intimidated or attacked?

Of course not. But what can you do to ensure the safety of yourself and the people you care for?

Join us for the self-defence and personal protection course On October 20th from 14H30-18H30 at Espace Nataraja, 12 Rue Hippolyte Lebas, 75009 Paris and will cost €55 for the day. During this time you will learn:

• Special awareness techniques,
• Body language to put off potential attackers and defuse conflict
• How to maximise your hitting power
• Angles that help keep you safe
• Surprise techniques and escapes
• Psychological blocks to acting appropriately
• Key points of the law
• Guidelines for future practise

You will also get a good physical workout (though this is not the focus of the course), and many opportunities to laugh. Wear comfortable clothes, and be prepared to work barefoot.

The last courses in Spring and Summer were well attended, and a lot of fun. If you attended a previous course and want to attend this one I can offer you a €15 discount. I will start running regular sessions to further develop the skills, characteristics and knowledge that make work to keep you safer.

Reserve in advance if you want a place. info@transformativemartialarts.com Tel: 06 80 28 86 39

Here is a clip from the September session. Can you see where Claire elbows me in the head?